i don't like sucking hair
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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