The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
