I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
