somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
