16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
