This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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