At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
