Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
