Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
