Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
