i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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