my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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