Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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