Nicole vs. Life
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
