I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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