I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
