I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
