i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
