How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We need to get me chipped asap
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
