I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
