take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
