Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
