her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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