iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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