White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
