i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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