im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
