a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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