Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
