so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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