he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
