The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
