I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
