you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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