so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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