My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the day after is always just damage control
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
