I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
