I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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