Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
