hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
