Duck Duck Cougar?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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