i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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