the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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