Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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