Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
