whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
