I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
