We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
