how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
