Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
two words: eviction party
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
