I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you never un-have a 4some
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
